52 – Week 2 – Doing My Exercise

Doing my exercise

I’ve been running  about round the park like a twat
And it’s too bloody cold and I’m too bloody fat
I’ve forgotten my gloves and I ain’t got an ‘at
And the shorts that I’m in make me look like a prat

There are dogs on those leads that are too bloody long
And the people that walk them are walking them wrong
And I get tangled up with the lead and the pup
And the dog walkers laugh as I trip myself up

I gasp and I wheeze as I trundle around
Past the kids on the swings who are laughing out loud
Cos the sweat in my shorts makes it look like I’ve pissed
And my knee’s swelling up cos I’m getting a cyst

The friction is burning and hurting my thighs
And I’m not getting thinner, they’re still the same size
I finally get home and collapse on the mat
I’m not sure it’s worth it, I think I’ll stay fat

Week 2 in the 52 challenge brought the theme of journeys. I don’t really make many journeys these days so I thought I’d use my daily journey around the park as inspiration for a little fictional account of my fat busting attempts. You’ll be happy to know that I didn’t decide to stay fat and have actually lost 2 stone since I started. I don’t have a cyst and my thighs don’t hurt but my nips are a bit tender.

You’re welcome.

Sorry for my shit voice.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Nettue January 12, 2018 at 3:02 pm

Bloody love it!

Reply

WillWriteForCake January 12, 2018 at 3:06 pm

It helps to be drunk.

Reply

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