NaNoWriMo Extract

Well, I finished NaNoWriMo 2010 and surpassed the official target, so what now? Publication? Nah, there is much work to be done on the monster yet. First of all, I’ll be sitting on the beast for at least a month. I’ll spend that time working on the plot for my kids book. Finally found an idea I like for that and I’m keen to get on with it.

In a months time, I’ll have another look at my NaNo story and rip it to bits. Then I’ll re-organise, re-plot and finally re-write it before deciding whether to wave it under the noses of agents and publishers. For now, it’s under wraps. But in the great spirit of showing off sharing, I’ve decided to present a sample chapter here.

There’s been no editing or tidying done to it, what you see here is exactly the text as it fell from my addled mind. No tidying, no editing, no excuses. It really is as rough as they come. I’m publishing this here so that those of you who worry about shitty first drafts can see what a really shitty first draft looks like. And if I’m not worried about mine, then you really shouldn’t worry about yours.

Monkeygeddon

CHAPTER 7

Big Chris pulled the Paloma up to the landing stage nice and smooth. He’d been doing this for quite some time now and took great enjoyment in his work. Alan dropped the chain on the rail and jumped onto the stage, rope in hand and tied the boat to the cleat. He turned to the boatload of expectant passengers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Monkey Island.”

The crowd disembarked and made their way to the path on the island. There was a clearing for them all to gather in and Alan waited for them to make their way over. Big Chris was the last off, as usual. He liked to make sure that all was well with the boat and with Chico who would wait there for him to get back. It felt odd not having him there and he gave him a shout. There was no sign of him. With a sigh, Big Chris joined the group.

“Monkey Island is quite large, as you’ll soon see, and was designed to provide a natural environment for our monkeys,” Alan explained.

“Are there gorillas?” asked Jake excitedly, his mum shushed him.

“No, there are no gorillas,” Alan smiled, “We only have monkeys and gorillas are…”

“Apes!” shouted Max, giving his twin brother a nudge.

“Right,” Alan said, giving the boys a wink, “The monkeys on the island are all perfectly safe as long as you don’t annoy them. By that I mean follow me, stick to the paths and don’t touch the wildlife.”

“Perfectly safe?” snorted Phil, “Buggers knocked me out.”

“Not for long enough,” huffed the other half.

“Shut it Davina. You made me come here and all I’ve had so far is backache form the car journey and a face full of nuts.”

“Well now you know how it feels,” Said Davina, arms tightly folded across her chest

Patrick and Gina burst out laughing.

“What are you laughing at? Do you want thumping?” Phil stepped toward the couple.

“Oooh look,” said Big Chris getting between them, “monkeys. Look at the funny monkeys.”

Phil backed off. A couple of teenagers were one thing but Big Chris certainly lived up to his name. If he’d landed a punch on the big boat pilot, he’d have broken his arm.

“Shall we get going then?” shouted Alan, trying to keep a little order. “Follow me.”

The group followed Alan down the trail as he led them through the forest.  The boys pushed to the front, right behind Alan, followed by their mum and dad. The Johnsons kept Phil Stewart separated from the Keith, Patrick and Gina and Big Chris brought up the rear to make sure nobody strayed off the path.

As they made their way along the path the group finally got that jungle feeling. It was a hot summer’s day and the greenery seemed to be steaming. It really did feel like a rainforest. Alan pointed out various monkeys and other wildlife. The twins loved it, their dad less so. Jim Johnson was in his element and could barely contain himself when he spotted a troop of Proboscis monkeys before Alan.

“Fantastic,” muttered Jim to himself, “Look at those pot bellies. Hee hee, they look like that fella off the telly… whatshisname… Anyway, him.”

“Surprisingly good swimmers,” Alan contributed in case anyone had forgotten that he was the tour guide, “and their pot belly is a result of their complex diet.”

Big Chris noticed a flash of white in the canopy; white with a blue trim? He couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Chico and was convinced he’d find him before they got back to the boat. But his thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the screaming sound of chaos erupted through the forest.

The noise was spine chilling and the group froze.

“What the bloody hell was that?” said Phil

“Ermm, monkeys,” Gina answered cockily.

Davina pulled Phil’s shirt to remind him that she was still there and that he better not embarrass her anymore. Phil gave the evil eye to Gina who curled her lip at him while Patrick laughed. Keith was beginning to wish he hadn’t agreed to come with them. They’d only invited him because he had a car. He and Patrick had been friends since school, but since Patrick discovered girls during sixth form, he’d turn into a bit of an arse.

Big Chris looked at Gina and Patrick. He looked at Keith too and remembered what it was like. His thoughts were broken once more by another scream, accompanied this time by a lot of rustling in the trees. Something was happening, something not good. Alan decided to move on and gave the shout. The group followed on behind.

“We are heading toward the screams, you know,” Davina spoke to Alan quietly so the Twins couldn’t hear.

“There’s only one path around the island. Besides, monkeys do a lot of screaming; it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong.”

“But they’ve attacked us once.”

“Oh that sort of thing never happens,” Alan said, not entirely truthfully, “It won’t happen twice that’s for sure.”

Around the corner they came to a bit of a clearing where a tree stood covered in berries and pygmy marmosets. Alan motioned for the group to stop and Big Chris made a shushing motion, finger to his lips.

“Pygmy Marmosets,” Whispered Jim Johnson and seeing Alan’s body language, “Sorry.”

“Thank you. Yes, Pygmy Marmosets. They do seem to like these berries, but they also gnaw at tree branches with their sharp little teeth and suck out the gum.”

The twins sat by Alan, fascinated by the tiny monkeys. The whole group was amazed at them and the marmosets themselves didn’t seem to have noticed the attention they were getting. Until Phil Spoke.

“Is that all they do then?”

“Oh for crying out loud Phil,” Davina was really getting sick of his constant messing around.

“What? They’re just little things and they don’t seem to be doing much of anything. Don’t worry, I’ll liven things up.”

Phil picked a small stone up from the floor and walked toward the Marmoset’s tree. Alan grabbed Phil’s arm as he walked past.

“Can you not do that please?”

“Don’t you grab me,” said Phil twisting Alan’s hand off his arm, “I won’t hurt the precious little things. I just want to liven them up a bit.”

“Phil, no,” shouted Davina.

Phil approached the tree and picked out the nearest Marmoset. He eyed it up and hurled his stone, catching it right on the backside. The marmoset gave out a loud squeak. Phil laughed.

“He’s paying attention now, eh?”

In fact all the marmosets were paying attention. There was a loud series of clicks and chatters and the tiny monkeys rushed their attacker. Phil was startled to find himself suddenly covered in monkeys. They weighed next to nothing but their teeth and claws were sharper than he’d expected. They were scratching at his head and biting his ears and arms; the teeth, usually used for gnawing the bark from trees doing real damage to Phil’s skin. Phil began to spin and scream.

“Ahhhh! Get the little bastards off me.  Get them off.”

The twins ran to their mum, mouths agape.

“Do something,” Davina yelled at Alan.

Alan and Big Chris had been so taken aback by the uncharacteristic attack that they’d simply stood and watched. Big Chris had in fact been laughing to himself. He looked at Alan and shrugged, unsure what they could do to help. After some very brief thought, they did what they could.

Running over to the still screaming Phil, who was now bleeding quite badly, the pair began grabbing Marmosets and flung them into the undergrowth. Sensing they were outnumbered, the marmosets began to retreat. But not before they had done ripped Phil’s ear quite badly and caused some nasty wounds to his arms and legs. His lip was split too and he wasn’t at all happy.

“What the fuck? Vicious little bastards. I’ll sue, you wait.”

“Oh shut up Phil! Just shut up!” Davina was saying what everyone else was thinking, “You brought that on yourself. You’re a bully and an idiot and if you don’t shut up I’ll finish what the monkeys didn’t and knock you on your fat arse.”

Phil looked at her open mouthed. In all the years they had been together, he had never heard her get that angry. He looked around at the rest of the group; open mouthed shock greeted him on every face. Finally Alan broke the silence.

“We should get you back to the boat. There’s a first aid kit and…”

“No fear. I’m not having you idiots patching me up. It’s just a few scratches.”

“Part of your ear’s missing,” said Gina with a look of disgust.

“I’ll live. Now are we getting on with this so called tour?”

Alan looked over at Big Chris and shrugged. Big Chris shrugged back. The customer was always right thought the big lad and pointed toward the path. Behind him the marmosets seemed to be gathering and Chris motioned to Alan to get a move on.

Just then, overhead, more screaming could be heard and a group of Langurs went rattling through the canopy. They appeared to be chasing something and Big Chris saw it. The white uniform with blue trim he thought he’d saw earlier. It was Chico. And the Langurs were gaining on him.